Blog post #2

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict


I seem to have a super-hate to love relationship with my dad. The following scenario I’ll be sharing happened yesterday, revolving around the Dinner and Dance 2010 for Science Faculty.

Prior to the event, I had a long Saturday. It began in the morning, at 9am, with a soccer match. The Science Inter-Faculty Games team (IFG) had a friendly match with the team from King Edward VII Hall. I played as the goalkeeper for two-thirds of the match for the Science IFG team. It was a close game, as we narrowly lost 1-2. Despite making a few decent saves, I was largely to blame for a goal we conceded. My morale was low.

In the afternoon when I got home, my mum wanted me to run an errand on behalf of my dad who was out working. I was tasked to buy food for my grandpa to break his fast as well as some groceries such as fruits and packet drinks. Despite not having fully prepared my attire for the D&D, I agreed. A small part of me was hoping that my small intention for doing this would be fulfilled.

I reached home at 5.40pm after settling the grocery shopping for my grandpa. My dad was back from work and doing his prayers. I greeted him and I went to get ready. Once dressed, I approached him.

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“Dad, can I use the car? The dinner will probably end around 11pm. I’m afraid I might miss the last train should it end later”, I asked politely.

He curtly replied, “No need lah, it’s a Saturday evening after all. You’ll get frustrated at not being able to find a parking lot. No, furthermore we might want to use it at night.”

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I kept my head up, walked out of his room and left the house without saying another word.

I guess there is no win-win solution in this scenario. My interpretation for his response was, “I can’t find a parking lot in town area on a Saturday evening as it’s too crowded. What makes you think you can?” I was utterly disappointed, but I did not let it ruin the mood for the D&D once I’ve met the rest of my friends who were sitting at the same table.

He might have had a bad day at work while teaching his students, but if that was the case, I probably was a victim of his frustration. He probably thinks driving the car to such an event has little significance. I really was on the verge of writing a “bad news” letter to him but I doubt it can change the outcome of future instances. I comforted myself by telling myself these are such tests we undergo during the holy fasting month. Stay strong and overcome it as at the end of the day, it contributes to my emotional growth and self-honesty.

In such a parent-child scenario, do you think there will be any chance of negotiating a win-win situation?

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Something I would like to share. The part that came to my mind in relation to my above situation was the "People VS Thing".

# Blog post 1

This is the first week in which lessons have started. In the introductory lesson, we explored skills, process, models and channels of communication. A common misconception was underlined; communication was moulded according to a telegraphic model but this is largely inaccurate. In class, we then established that effective communication consists of:

1) Conveying messages or information clearly
2) Receiving the information or messages with minimal distortion

From here, we explored the process and models of communications, which consists of the following.

1) A source of information
2) Encoding (or packaging of the information)
3) Channel (method of delivery of the packaged information)
4) Decoding (the “un-packaging “ of the information)
5) Receiver/Audience (the target person/group at the end of the process)

Each of these 5 has its own process in which the person delivering the message has to account for. Any breakdown in between might lead to a failure in either of the 2 steps of effective communication.

The subsequent lesson covered listening, telling and questioning skills as well as interpreting non-verbal signals. From a book I read some time back, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, there was a Habit “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”. Stating that we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, by nature we are supposed to listen more than we talk.

7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey


The undoubted outcome of failing to listen is lack of understanding. Left unchecked, it could escalate to a misunderstanding. A simple story as follows illustrates this:

I went on a scuba diving trip recently in July, and it was from Monday to Thursday. I departed by myself on Monday but since I knew I would be very tired after the trip, I told my dad to fetch me home when I return from the trip on Thursday. “Dad, pick me up at 10 on Thursday!” I shouted as I left the house. When I got back on Thursday evening, I waited at the SRC carpark but my dad was nowhere in sight. At 10.15, I called him, “Dad where are you?” “Where are YOU? You told me to fetch you at 10 so I was at the carpark at 10am!” he said in an exasperated tone. “Dad, I just got back. Didn’t I say I’ll be back at night?”

Well, simple enough. A misunderstanding occurred. So have you encountered something similar?

Testing

Testing 1,2,3.

After a hiatus of approximately 1 year, I am back blogging again. This is a test-post though, as I want to see how the text will appear on the blog.

Blogging to me is an outlet in which thoughts, emotions, observations, perspectives and opinions are expressed in the form of words. Stories can be used as illustrations to further highlight the points made.

Pictures can also be included to stimulate visual interest. Simiarly, video and audio clips can help in adding other dimensions to the blog post.

I believe in a semi-formal setting, as it produces the optimal atmosphere for learning. It keeps the barrier in between too casual and too formal in check, and allows for interaction at a comfortable level, bearing in mind that the purpose is to learn.

Till I return with my #Blog post 1, which should be very soon. ((= Toodles people!~